After returning home from the 10-day course, I reviewed my experience there. This retreat, far from the unending onslaught of the world, in a centre with a pure Dhamma atmosphere, simple and wholesome, must be similar to what the ancient ashrams of the rishis in India were like.
Living a disciplined life for ten days, what did I learn, what did I achieve?
There is a short term feeling of being refreshed even after going for a week or two's holiday to a hill station. But I had returned from this meditation centre with an amazing, unimaginable rejuvenation of the body and the mind. I had never in my life experienced so much inner tranquillity and peace. Continuing to meditate after the retreat for an hour each morning and evening, as per my teacher's instructions, I found that this feeling of tranquillity existed not only during the meditation course but even afterwards. I was now free of the unbearable pain of migraine headaches and the terrible effects of morphine forever. But the most important benefit that I experienced was that the agitation that had always persisted, due to defilements within, had started decreasing. The defilements themselves had started to weaken. This had been my motive for joining the course and now when the defilements arose, I had learnt the technique with which to fight them effectively.
Be it aversion or craving, fear or arrogance, desire or anger, as soon as any defilement arose, awareness too came with it, and by feeling the sensations that had arisen, the defilement would begin to weaken. The resulting agitation which also arose now began to weaken. Whereas my heartfelt devotion towards the gods with manifest form, or the vedantin contemplation on sacred texts of the Gita and the Upanishads could not give any lasting relief, here just 10 days of meditation had started showing results as defilements had weakened. It became very clelar to me how defilements get eradicated at the very root level of the mind, and how the faulty mindset firmly ensconced in the inner recesses of the mind can be changed by this technique. I felt a profound sense of satisfaction upon discovering this experiential wisdom that gave immediate results, as if a life giving elixir had been discovered for an incurable disease.
Prior to attending the Vipassana course, it had been my habit early in the morning to chant bhajans, or whenever desire, anger or ego raised their ugly heads. With heartfelt pain and tears flowing from my eyes I would chant:
Dear Lord! Please pay no heed to my negativities. You are the one who looks at everyone equally; bless me, I beg of you. Or, Dear Lord! I am yours, and yours alone.
Cunning, angry, filled with sensual desires, whatever I be, I am truly yours.
The fingers cannot be separated (from the hand), do you not understand this?
Having received this immensely beneficent knowledge, now I became free of this daily weeping and wailing. In just one course it became clear to me that I myself fill my mind full with blemishes; and the responsibility of purifying it too is mine. As long as I did not have this purifying technique, I lived a life of delusion. But now that had changed. Now, even when I sang bhajans in the morning, the timbre had changed. Now I chanted:
Wake up O traveller, the night is gone, why are you still sleeping? Or, There is a thief hovering near your baggage, O traveller, wake up!
Or, He who feels the pain of others is truly a Vaishnav. [true follower of god]
The chapter of wailing and weeping daily was over, and after some time these habitual bhajans also stopped. Why not use this time for meditation, I thought.
The Practice
What did I practise there in order to learn this technique? Nothing but pure Dhamma. I followed five moral precepts, or sila, and practised samadhi in order to focus and discipline the mind. Then I made an effort to awaken paññā, wisdom, for purifying the mind as much as possible. I could see no fault in any of these three practices.
Staying far away from harmful vocal and physical actions, and practising sila, is accepted not just by the Vedic religion but by all religions, as they all consider virtuous living to be a good practice. However, we all know that unless the mind is disciplined and controlled, following sila is impossible, no matter how many times we are told about it by myriad teachers in their discourses. But here we were not just lectured on, but were taught how to discipline the mind. And for this the chosen medium of focus was so faultless, so universal - our own breath-something that everyone could follow without reservation.
Control of the mind is certainly good, but in order to make sila an integral part of our lives, it is vital to purify the mind at the very core. It is here that the vast collection of defilements lie dormant, and when they get shaken they burst up to the surface of the mind, making it difficult to maintain sila. Thus we learnt paññā, the knowledge of purifying the mind through the objective observation of bodily sensations. This too is universal, and can be accepted and practised by all.
Our teacher mentioned that becoming a Buddha was not the sole possession of Siddhattha Gota ma alone. There were many Buddhas before him, and more will arise in the future. All of them impart the same teachings, which are:
1. Stay away from unwholesome vocal and physical actions; live a life of sila.
2. Occupy yourself with good actions. Cultivate one pointed focus of the mind. Any action carried out by the mind which is well developed and disciplined will naturally be wholesome.
3. The mind must be purified, not merely at the surface level but in totality, from the surface to the very roots.
Later while studying the words of the Buddha, I came across these lines where he has mentioned
"Abstain from all unwholesome deeds, perform wholesome ones, To cleanse one's own mind - this is the teaching of all the Buddhas."
Dhammapada, 183
This is sila, samadhi and pannā. And every Buddha imparts the same teaching; he not only gives lectures on Dhamma but teaches how to put it into practice. This is why all the Buddhas' teachings give results here and now. From the very first ten-day session, I grasped this truth well and felt that the practical aspect of the Buddha's teaching is certainly unique, amazing, priceless.
I loved it. Then I started to wonder, if he only taught the practical aspect of Dhamma, of sila, samadhi and panna, why it was opposed so vehemently. Perhaps there was a faulty aspect of his teaching which I had no yet seen in this ten-day course. Maybe our elders knew about this, and therefore opposed it so severely that it was totally expelled from our country.
In order to examine the validity of my line of thought, I decided to read the Buddha's words so that I could avoid everything that was faulty within them, while accepting the positive aspects. There is nothing negative about sila, samādhi and paññā, I concluded, as I had practised these myself and found the results to be nothing but wholesome. I now needed to read the teachings to understand the theoretical aspect, its principles.
Study of the Buddha's Words I started by reading the Dhammapada, the book that respected Anandji had given me years ago which was still sitting on my table untouched. I read every couplet with total attention and with a critical eye, alert to any fault therein. I was pleasantly surprised to see that every couplet was so blameless, so pristine! But perhaps I had missed something so I read it again, alert to anything I could pick on; and then again. Every time the findings were the same.
Though the Dhammapada is considered to contain the core of the Buddha's teachings, I now wanted to read other texts as well. Who knows, perhaps there were some undesirable aspects of the teaching lurking somewhere that were contrary to the Hindu dharma, which had compelled our elders to oppose it.
I began reading other texts with the help of translations, making every effort to understand them. As well as sitting for daily meditation each morning and evening for an hour. I also made time in my very busy schedule as a businessman and a householder to study his words. Combining studying and sitting in meditation proved to be a big help to me.
Whenever I went to Rangoon, I visited Sayagyi's Vipassana Centre on Sundays and participated in the one-hour group sittings. In addition to this, I also sat for at least one ten-day course in a year, sometimes taking a longer course. Thus I experienced the practical aspect of Dhamma at a deeper, experiential level, benefitting immensely.
The doors of destiny opened wide when the contemporary military government divested me of all my professional and business related responsibilities. It became an immensely significant development for me as I used this opportunity for deeper study of the Buddha's words, spending five uninterrupted years in close proximity to my teacher in Myanmar. If I faced any difficulty while reading a particular sutta, he was always available to clarify it. At times he would direct me to read a particular sutta from a text, to try to understand its significance and then come back to him. I would return with an answer as per my level of understanding. Most often, he would be very pleased with my answers.
But at times he would smile and say, "No you have not understood it properly", and then he would go on to explain it most lovingly and patiently adding, "Now go and meditate in acell for an hour". That hour would prove to be most valuable. I would often feel that the Buddha himself was explaining the sutta to me, and I was understanding it not just intellectually but also knowing it experientially. Studying the Buddha's words while living in the congenial atmosphere of Myanmar proved to be immeasurably beneficial indeed.
The two aspects of study and practice grew together -- the evolving, practical aspect being known at an experiential level, and the theoretical aspect of its principles being studied. In this manner the teachings became increasingly clear to me. Far from finding any fault in them, I now tell with every word that I was sipping nectar. I felt ashamed when I thought about all the faulty beliefs I had held regarding his teachings before I was introduced to Vipassana. It was entirely possible, I thought, that the well respected scholars of our community who criticised the Buddha's teachings so unfairly, had never had the opportunity to read his original words, or had the opportunity to experience its practical aspect, Vipassana, since both aspects had totally disappeared from India about 500 to 700 years after the Buddha's period. The derogatory, disparaging comments that were made started up nearly 1000 years after this time. It is evident that the bitter arguments that occurred between the Bauddhas and Pauranikas (vedicas) in those days, must have resulted in flinging dirt at each other. In times following this, there was no one left who could proffer sane and valid arguments to bring forth his true teachings, and the dirt that was flung so abundantly remained unchallenged, stuck like a blot. In order to search for the historical truth, I also decided to study the related texts of the brahmanical tradition.
I had studied the Gita, Upanishads, Ramayana and Mahabharata while living in Myanmar to some extent. After returning to India I read a number of other literary works. My meditation students were of great help in this research work, and when the truth began to take shape I felt that our ancestors, in their mutual egoistic battles, had not only tried to put a blot on an incomparable Master's unmatched teaching, but had also helped in causing it to be being expelled from the country, much to their own unparalleled damage.
Now that the nation has accepted with open arms the practical aspect of the teachings, Vipassana, I am confident that on the basis of the Buddha's original words, its principles too will be well understood, dispelling all falsehoods naturally. The animosity between the Hindus and the Bauddhas in India, the communal divide that has lingered since the middle ages, will disintegrate. Additionally, the neighbouring countries following the Buddha's teachings will feel a deep satisfaction knowing that the false allegations attributed to the Buddha and his teaching since olden times in India, has now been understood to be false; that the people are ready to accept the Buddha's teaching in its pure form. This will help deepen our friendly relations with the neighbouring nations, carrying them beyond superficial, obligatory diplomatic ties. The waves of goodwill will continue to spread far and wide. Though the world today accepts Vipassana, some doubts still remain. When it is realised that the false notions held in India towards the Buddha's teachings have been resolved, these misgivings also will be put to rest. Certainly the world will then take to this universal knowledge, which is so beneficient for the mental health of one and all, with open arms, just as it has taken to the knowledge of pranayama and (yogic) asanas that help to maintain physical health. This will doubtlessly lead to the true welfare of all.
(from the Autobiography of Mr. SN Goenka ) -
Continued..