The Vipassana Research Institute has published a book in Hindi on respected Mataji titled "Mettaviharini Mataji: Shrimati Illaichidevi Goenka" which means Mataji dwelling in Metta. It has been mentioned in this newsletter in the 'book review' section. A brief portion of the correspondence between her and respected Goenkaji during 1969 / 70 is given here. We are currently translating this book into English.
Mataji: My most respected dear one, my pranams to you! ... It pleases me immensely whenever I hear how much people are benefitting from your camps. Respected Guruji (Sayagyi U Ba Khin) and Ma Sayama are fine. I visit the centre daily, and also sit for meditation at home. My sadhana (meditation practice) is going well. .. mind does wander thinking about our sons (the older sons had gone to India before Goenkaji while the younger ones stayed back with Mataji in Burma), but as I get focussed in meditation, thoughts grow silent, and I feel at peace. I feel a sense of unhappiness as I am not with you, but the possibility of my coming there is dim and I don't see any way out...I remain your follower always,
- Illaichi.
Goenkaji: It pleases me immensely to know that you visit the centre daily and also sit at home regularly. It is a matter of satisfaction for me that your sadhana is going smoothly. No, you are never far from me. Whenever you sit in meditation and the inner consciousness awakens, you will find me ever near you.What you have written is true - you truly possess the most precious jewel of Dhamma that only a few most blessed ones receive. It is by the power of this invaluable jewel that you are able to remain tranquil even in such difficult times and are able to see joy around you. It is indeed your good fortune that you do not feel depressed. If ever you do feel low, come out of it with the help of sadhana and stay happy always. The impressions of misery that linger in our minds are sankharas from the past which become the cause of more misery in the present. The difficulties which we now face should be understood as fruits of past kammas and borne with Dhammic understanding smilingly and with fortitude. We must be ever vigilant and make efforts to avoid making new kamma. By this sadhana, as the fruits of old sankharas weaken and new sankharas are not made, the future grows bright. May the consciousness within you ever glow with Dhamma; my blessings are always with you. On strength of Dhamma, the times of difficulty will slowly vanish and their painful effects dissolve ...
Your Dharma companion,
Satya Narayan Goenka.
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Mataji: Respected Guruji (Sayagyi U Ba Khin) and Ma Sayama are fine. The children have their exams.. At times the thoughts in my mind are overpowering but then, when I sit for sadhana, my mind grows calm. Also my heart grows light after writing to you... I visit the centre daily and feel very good whenever I sit there to meditate. The mind remains tranquil...Goenkaji : I am happy to hear that respected Guruji is now in good health. Also I am glad to hear that you go to the centre daily and take benefit of sitting in meditation. Your daily practice will be a vehicle of not only your own highest good, but will also be a tool of the highest welfare for many, many women. I can see this clearly. Hence you must make serious efforts to keep your sadhana going strong. May you grow in Dhamma, with these good wishes for you!Mataji: . Today I was very pleased to receive your letter dated 10th . My most dear one, I too wish to be with you in this Dhamma service. But I don't know when that would ever become a reality. It has been one year and two months (since you went to India). I wish I could have supported you in the difficulties in your Dhamma work that you have had to face alone ... Will I ever be fated to offer my Dhamma services too? . Everything happens as a result of our kamma, I know.And I have to bear mine. That I am far from you and the children is my painful reality ...
.. I spoke to you on the telephone. As soon as you asked about my sadhana a strong wave of sensations began and my fever vanished. I meditate twice a day. I do offer dana in cash and also call for materials to give as offerings, but to invite bhikkhus for the dana of meals will only become possible after you return...
Goenkaji : Devi Illaichi,I received both your letters dated 28th Dec and 5th January. I was happy to hear that a wave of sensation started all over your body when we spoke on telephone and the mild fever you were suffering from vanished. I am very happy to hear that you do your sadhana regularly and sincerely and also offer dana most respectfully. This is the essence of Dharma as Lord Buddha has mentioned: that we offer dana according to our capacity, that we follow sila, with utmost discipline and practice meditation with sincere regularity. You are actively involved in fulfilling all three virtues and are truly filled with abundant pāramīs. The Dhamma that you follow so sincerely will always protect you and take you to your highest goal.Do not worry about our sons who are here. All are well settled in their own businesses ...
I trust that you must be inspiring the children there to live a life of Dhamma, thus encouraging them towards a brighter future.
Mataji: It is heartening for me to know that you will return in just 6 months, and it fills my heart with joy when I read that you are immersed in organizing camps. I too wish to participate in this Dhamma work, but what can be done if it is not possible now..Goenkaji :... Forty six people participated in the camp at Barachakia out of which there were 25 Marwari women. They all had a very good course. People feel happy to know that I am not a bhikkhu or a renunciate. When they come to know that I too am a householder, they get curious and ask many questions about you. They would have loved to have met you. There will come a time when you will always be with me in this gigantic task of spreading Dhamma, assisting me and looking after your Dhamma daughters. It is taking time, I know, but it will change and a time will certainly come. Until then make maximum use of your time in sadhana getting firmly established in it. Meditating regularly your sadhana should reach such heights that whenever you want, you remain firmly at bhavanga (centre). No desires should disturb you. Once you reach that state, then you will be able to come and join me and teach meditation to others. .. I am very happy to hear that Babu bhaiya is going to the meditation centre with the family. When possible, you too should go with the family and meditate for 10 days. A feeling of peace permeates my being when I see your dedication and faith towards Dhamma and meditation.-------------------
Mataji: I received your letter dated 21st Feb. I was happy to hear that the Pratapgarh camp concluded most successfully with two bhikkhus and many lay persons participating. I guess the Ajmer camp must have gone off well too. Respected Guruji and Ma Sayama are fine. The children are having their exams.... My mind still wanders a lot, but when I sit for my sadhana it calms down. It also calms down when I write to you sharing my thoughts with you..Goenkaji : Wherever meditation camps are held, people experience deep calm and quitetude, a major change can be seen coming over them. This is a hugely meritorious work, and whatever param²s I am generating, you too have a share in them. That you do not share my merits is not possible. We have lived in so many lives together sharing joys and sorrows and earning merits. We have come together in this life once again but to generate pañña param²s and will continue to do so through life, strengthening each other.The camp in Bodh Gaya was very powerful. This sacred land is charged by the Buddha's presence. Due to the sadhana that he practiced here and by Guruji's blessings, the participants here were able to understand the subtle depths of Dhamma. Hence the merit generated here was huge. The pañña parami thus generated will certainly be a blessing to all in the family. Of course, you are a part of me, sharing in these potent paramis.
I know you long to join me in these Dhamma camps and share in this meritorious task, experiencing it first hand. I too wish for the same. Whenever I see so many of your daughters participating in these camps, I feel that had you been here with me, you too would have taught them Dhamma, and would have been filled with joy watching them grow in quiet bliss. But the fact that you are unable to be here now too has some positive outcome. There are a lot of difficulties on the path of Dhamma in these initial days. Difficulties in travel, food, living quarters. When I think of these difficulties, then I think it was good that you and respected Guruji could not come just now. It would have been very difficult. In a year or so, as the situation improves and the numbers of those who benefit grows, their interest too will deepen and they will begin to participate in Dhamma work. Your presence will then prove to be very beneficial in this Dhamma work.
Your being in Burma, far from me and our sons, handling the situation with patience and forebearance is a tapas in itself. If you deal with it Dhammically, then it will prove immensely beneficial. But if you grow depressed with this tapas, this hardship, then it will certainly prove harmful for you. Our sadhana, our pañña, must ever be present in our consciousness, keeping us aware that these moments of misery are not going to remain forever, they are not permanent. They are anicca, impermanent, destructible, ever changing. If we are lost in pain and forget awareness of its changing nature, then our sadhana has weakened, and we will have kindled sankharas of misery which will bring multifold fruits of misery in future.
The fruits come according to the kamma of a person, and kamma is generated not by our hands, speech, or body but by our minds. We speak and act as per our thoughts. Whatever we think is manifested in our speech and actions. A wise person hence remains aware of the way he thinks. When the mind feels miserable, for that time period he is indulging in acts of sadness and pain as well as planting seeds of misery for himself. Whenever these seeds of pain ripen, they will bring many times more pain. Bitter seeds of neem can only result in the bitter fruits of neem, not sweet mangoes. Hence if we do not want misery in the future, then we must ensure that we stay away from misery in the present. Whenever pain comes, with the power of our sadhana we understand its true nature of being anicca, impermanent, destructible; then we will not feel miserable and will not plant new seeds of misery.
Experiencing sensations on the body every moment alone is not sadhana. Sadhana is to know that these sensations are neither happy nor unhappy; that they are anicca, impermanent. When a person begins to understand the anicca nature of the subtlest of sensations deep within oneself, then his pañña awakens, wisdom awakens, and he sees that as it is inside so it is outside; the solid matter in the world, people, situations is all impermanent, anicca. With this awareness, nothing in the external world affects him. He neither jumps for joy when something desirable happens, nor does he cry in misery when something undesirable happens.
Do not think of these pulsating sensations which are flowing in your body all the time as pleasant or unpleasant, good or bad. Instead every moment understand their impermanent nature. That which is ever changing, how indeed can that bring joy? And that which is impermanent, filled with misery, how indeed can one feel any attachment to it, or have a sense of 'me and mine' towards it? Had it been mine, I should have been able to control it, command it to do my bidding. But clearly that is not so. Whatever happens, happens by its own nature; we have no control over it. What is anicca is always anicca, we can never make it nitya, eternal. Hence it is wise to come out of the feeling of 'me and mine' towards it.
Hence when we practice Vipassana sadhana with the base of anicca, then the attachment towards 'me and mine' starts to melt automatically. When 'me and mine' remains, until then this mountainous collection of pain and misery hovers over us. Whatever happens, happens as a result of kamma. We have no power over it. Of course what we have power over is to refrain from making new kamma for the future. At times I don't feel good when I see the happenings around, but who knows, perhaps good fruits may appear as a result...
Take good care of the children and your own sadhana. This is where the best welfare lies for all.
Your Dhamma Companion,
-Satya Narayan Goenka.
(Vipassana Newsletter. January'17)
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